Closing Doors

I was able to read Paulo Coehlo's "Closing Cycles" and I was so faced with guilt by it. What he actually mentioned on that essay really hit me first base. I am that person who dwells on that past that my today is too blurry to fathom.

I don't know where this started. But I guess I should have been prompted to think this way by one situation. Allow myself to remember... Was it when I first broke my heart? Was it when friends left and never came back? Was it when I should have left and decided to stay? Was it when I decided to leave and found it hard to move on? It's going to be a long list. A list of the depression that I went through. A list of the decisions I have to make and found myself in regrets. I know that writing all that is in my mind would not change anything but I guess this is the only way that I can let go of things. I do hurt. And I'm sorry that I just can close doors. I tend to stay where I want to be.

I pity those people who want to be with me. They are going nowhere.

I am just that cobbled stone statue that you put in the middle of the park. The park will grow old and ruined but it would always be there. Accepting what the park can still offer. No matter how old it had become. The statue will grow moss and will sometimes be uprooted. It will last the wear and tear of all seasons. But it will stay. It won't say goodbye. It will wait.